Do you know what drives me absolutely nuts? When a process isn’t going how I want it to go, or planned for it to go, but I have no control. Do you know that feeling of frustration when you’ve put time and energy and effort into creating a plan and targets and systems around that plan and those targets, but then life happens? If you do, you’ll also know the speeding heartbeat, the tense shoulders, and the racing thoughts that come with it.

This book publishing process was full of SO MANY of these moments. 

It was December 2021. I’d finished my first draft, re-read it out loud to myself and edited, sent it to my then assistant (who happened to be an editor-in-training - we’ll talk about some of the you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up Godsends next month), and had a few friends and people I trusted to read it. It was time to submit the first draft of my manuscript to my publisher. This is one of those take a deep breath and click send moments that is a milestone in the process, and honestly, I was just relieved we were at a point where I could clear this project from my desk for a few weeks and do Christmas. That and recovery because WOW did the process so far need a lot from me. 

January came, I got my first copy back, reviewed their edits, read through it again, completely, on my own, tweaked some more, and sent it back. And then I thought, I should start planning this launch. 

As a side note, starting to plan then was a good idea. But I didn’t give “margin” (aka. adequate space) for life happening, the part of the process that wasn’t in my hands, which in publishing, was most of it. There was a guideline for how long parts of the process “should” take, so as the recovering over-achiever I am, I looked at that and figured out what the shortest period from “here” to “there” was, added a couple of weeks, and voila. End of May launch. 

 That’s cute Juli.

A couple of weeks went by and an email landed in my inbox - your files are overdue. My files, were the bio, synopsis, and manuscript that I had sent in two weeks prior (and confirmed that they had received). 

That frustration we talked about at the beginning, well it showed up in about a ¼ of a second. What?! I had plans and now we had lost at least a week because I had expected it back by now. I did the only thing I could do - reached out, confirmed that they had indeed got it, and asked for a rush on getting it through editing so we could keep to the timeline. Thank goodness I had given myself those extra couple of weeks. Honestly, it was close to panic. Why? Because I had started seeding a May launch with people. 

Not smart Juli, not smart.

Anyway, onward.

I got my edits back the second time, reviewed them, turned them around for their final proofreading within two hours, and then started pushing for the next parts of the process. The book cover, the PR promotion, the online launch party, and the Amazon best-seller plan. 

Time passed, we hit some more speed bumps, more time passed, and then in late April, book cover options landed in my inbox. And they were… well… not what I was looking for. Let’s just put it that way. I had been so eagerly awaiting this piece. It was what I needed to really start promoting and building graphics. It was what we needed for the ebook presale. It was what we needed for PR and promo… and it just…. well, just no. No.

I tried to brainstorm using my design skills, but a project like this book had to be done right. So I sent back some thoughts and a couple of images I threw together on Canva, and hoped that something would come back that I was excited about. 

You can only imagine… they came back, but still “just no.”

I had to find a book cover designer (like yesterday!). My timeline was blowing up, and so was my budget. But this was a project that I was committed to and that people needed. There wasn’t an option except to finish it and do it right

I was fortunate that another author in my network had a local company, Anthem Creative, who agreed to take me on. They knocked it out of the park, but it took some back and forth. May was officially out of the question. 

In the meantime, the last round of proofs came back, got approved, and everything we could reasonably do until we had the book cover was done. Things were out of my hands. And it was uncomfortable - really uncomfortable. 

Have you seen the Elizabeth Gilbert quote? “You are afraid of surrender because you don't want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.”

That was the long and short of it. 

And I had to get clear on why. 

I was scared of letting people down that thought the book was coming in May, of people seeing me as a failure because I didn’t get it done, of losing momentum in my launch team because the timeline got so extended, and (at the core of it) that this whole process and all the bumps and bruises and time and energy and opportunity cost wasn’t going to be worth it.

And then I realized that I was still coming into full alignment with what I had written. The book was for me too. It was a reflection of the best of me. Me on my powerful and excited and motivated days. Me when I’m standing firmly rooted in my faith. But there was also a me that struggled to believe in herself. A me that clung to old stories and patterns. A me that had more healing to do. I believe God kept me from launching the book in May so I could do more of my work first. 

That work included coming to terms with an ADHD diagnosis and therapy around trauma from bullying as a teen. And as it turned out, finding my way out of a state of depression and anxiety that I didn’t even know I was in. My baseline for mood was low - a consistently “depressed” (lowered) normal. And I thought it was normal, but as I tested ADHD medication, I started to experience something better. More calm, less reactivity, and that baseline crept up.

We’ll wrap up here for this month with this. The process, whether it’s a project or your personal growth, will have its challenges. But they build us. And they teach us. They shape our character and give us opportunities to be healthier, more confident, authentic versions of us. I would never choose to go through what I went through. And yet, I see how it was a blessing and how it was for me. Look for those threads in your experience too - they’re always there.

Xoxo

Written by: Juli Wenger

Author of Fired-Up, Fulfilled, And Free

Follow Juli at @juliwenger

What if you could ditch fear, leave “not-enoughness” and “too muchness behind,” and answer the questions “who am I?” and “why am I here?”

What would it be like to live a life that you know matters? To have real fulfillment? To confidently and fearlessly step into the purpose you were created for?

This book is a roadmap back to yourself and a guide to help you get out of your own way so you can live that purpose with fearless confidence. To help you step out of your patterns and your commitment to not-enoughness. To be reminded that you are worthy because God put you on this earth and He makes you worthy. There is an assignment for you that can’t wait any longer.

This is your invitation into a life that is Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free.