There’s a lot going on in the world right now, and Matt and I recognize and appreciate how lucky we are to have work, health, stability, and, most importantly, each other. But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling the heartbreak today. For the past year, “April 7th, 2020” was the day I had been planning for and had unparalleled excitement for.
Today should have been my wedding day.
With the spread of COVID-19, Matt and I had to face the heartbreaking reality that many couples have had to face: we’ve had to postpone our wedding. We know that this is merely a setback, and we will be celebrating our wedding soon, but shifting our plans and sitting in the uncertainty has been both stressful and emotional. I also know that I am not the only bride going through this, and there are MANY brides in my community (and around the world) who are making the adjustment to their Big Day as well. So, I wanted to put together some thoughts and tips for my community on how I am personally adjusting my mindset during this time, in hopes that it helps just one other bride who is sitting in this uncertainty with me.
It’s OK to Feel the Heartbreak.
When we first made the decision to postpone our wedding (3 weeks ago) I jumped straight into problem-solving mode. Matt and I called all of our guests and spent days on the phone with our travel agent and the resort vendors to get the logistics sorted as quickly and smoothly as possible. During this time, everyone asked me how I was feeling, and my response remained pretty logical:
“There’s nothing that can be done, so there’s no sense feeling upset.”
“There’s much worse going on, and we’re just grateful to have each other.”
“It’s fine; we’ll just reschedule for later.”
It wasn’t until recently, as the wedding date approached, that I suddenly started to feel the heartbreak of losing the special day I had spent a year planning for. I think it’s important that we keep a level head, but I want to stress that there can be comfort and relief in allowing yourself to go through the emotions of this disappointment as well. It is OK to feel the heartbreak that comes with this crazy, unexpected circumstance. We can appreciate that the world is in crisis, recognize all we have to be grateful for, and still feel the sadness of losing something special to us, even though we know it is only temporary.
Find the Silver Linings
Perspective is extremely important during times of crisis, hardship, and change. Yes, it’s okay to feel emotional, but don’t forget to look for that silver lining as well. Is there a décor element you couldn’t afford that you now have extra time to save for? Perhaps there is a vendor that wasn’t available that might be available when you reschedule. In our case, the silver lining means that some people who are very important to us, that could not attend the original date, will most likely be able to join us now. At the end of the day, what matters to us most are the people who will be there celebrating with us, so we’re considering this a huge win!
Be Proactive and Keep Planning
Yes, there is a ton of uncertainty right now and decision-making has been halted, which can be extremely frustrating. If you need a break from the planning, then please take one. Let yourself recharge. Personally, I find that continuing to plan has really helped me to feel like I am still in the joy and excitement of being a bride, and not stuck in the Limbo of a global pandemic.
Being so close to our wedding date when we canceled, much of my wedding planning was complete. But there were still loose ends I needed to tie, and details I could have added if I had more time (ah, that silver lining again).
Of course, there are some things I simply can’t plan right now. Which dates will we rebook our wedding trip for? Will our guest list be the same? I have no idea. These things I can’t control, so I will let them go until we have more answers from our government.
In the meantime, here’s what I can do:
I can keep working on my vows
I can have fun brainstorming sessions with my brother who will be playing guitar for all of our ceremony music
I can work on adding to the welcome packages for our guests
I can finalize jewelry, accessories, and makeup
What can you do to keep the planning going and feel like you are still working towards the wedding of your dreams?
Get Resourceful
There are so many amazing resources out there to support the 2020 couples that are working through the stress and uncertainty of re-planning their wedding. If you’re feeling a bit lost, here are some great resources that you might find helpful:
And finally, don’t forget to find comfort through your community. Reach out, ask for support, and share your story. You are not alone; we are all in this together!
Sending lots of love to my fellow 2020 brides, xo
Written by: Elisa Valade / Proulx | ElisaValade.com)
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