How Your Ego Is Getting In Your Way! - Juli Wenger
Have you ever tried to make a change or create a new habit only to realize that after just a few days you're feeling so much resistance that you're ready to just give up?
Photo Credit: Christina Louise
Have you ever tried to make a change or create a new habit only to realize that after just a few days you're feeling so much resistance that you're ready to just give up?
Well, say hello to your ego. No, no, not the “I think I'm the bomb.com” kind of ego. The ego I'm talking about is your sense of self, your perceptions, and your “programming”.
Our ego is made up of all of our upbringing, conditioning, and the “rules” we have learned along the way about how to be loved and accepted in the world - how to get our needs met. And ultimately it's about ONE thing - keeping you SAFE, which in ego talk means staying the same and staying in your comfort zone.
This is why making a change often comes with A LOT of internal pushback. It’s your ego trying to keep you in the same seemingly comfortable place that you've always been. It keeps you repeating the same old patterns on auto-pilot, so when you disrupt a pattern, you better believe your ego is gonna show up and have something to say about it!
This is where that feeling of being “stuck” comes from. You're thinking new thoughts and attempting new things while your ego is holding up a big red stop sign and screaming “Danger! Danger!” because this newness is not part of your programming. It feels unsafe to your ego EVEN IF it is the right thing for you.
If you are stuck in your stuckness, let me be very clear…you’re not feeling stuck because you are weak, or not good enough, or not confident enough or not brave enough. You’re feeling stuck because there is literally a tug-of-war going on between your conscious mind (the part that wants to change and knows it’s right) and your subconscious mind (where your ego and self-protective patterns live).
Photo Credit: Christina Louise
We DEEPLY desire transformation. That's consistent for all of us. We all want to be our best and most joy-filled selves. So we try and try to create change, only to fail more than we succeed. And every time we fail, we give ourselves proof that this BS belief that WE ARE a failure is true. (psych term = confirmation bias) But here’s the really sh*tty part, we take that failure on as an identity.
But your performance is not a direct line to who you are. Your performance is a reflection of your ego and subconscious patterns that are trying to keep you safe and the same. Your identity exists above all of that.
So the question then becomes - beyond my ego fears, who am I? What is my identity?
And to answer that, we have to start interacting with our fears, patterns, “limiting beliefs”, and stories, which in and of itself can be scary, especially if you’ve never done it before because choosing not to believe them anymore goes against how we've learned to function up until now. (Remember: NEW = SCARY to the ego) It brings up a fear that we humans have been conditioned to listen to that says…"stay safe", “don't rock the boat”, “what will they think?” It's really easy to get stuck here and convince yourself that it is safer to not draw attention to yourself, to not make other people uncomfortable, to not make the change… That's defaulting into old ways of being - aka living your life on autopilot.
No shame here. It's a choice that SO many people make because the process of UNLEARNING and choosing new beliefs, well, it's hard. And autopilot seems easy. That is, when you don't factor in the pain of staying the same anyway. But God calls us to much more than just living on autopilot. He calls us to move beyond all that stuff and be rooted in our identity and purpose.
Here’s the thing, we all have a history. We all have a past. We all have things that have happened to us, some big moments that we may be able to look back at, and combinations of small moments that built up over time. Regardless, we've all built patterns around those moments. We've put up walls. We've created defences. And now your ego is holding on to those patterns for dear life and convincing you that those patterns are you, and that your identity is found in your patterns. (Hint: it’s not true!)
So what do we do? We open our hearts and we get clear on WHO WE ARE, that's what! When we know who we are, our lens on life starts to shift. We can more easily disconnect our behaviour from our value. And then we can start to detach our identity from our behavioural patterns. That's where the soul-searching fun is! (Ok, well, it's mostly fun and also not so fun sometimes, but the transformation gets me all fired up).
How do you do that? Other than call me, which is totally an option, you need to start to answer this question: Who am I without my roles and titles? When I take them all away, what is left?
Start there. Stay curious. See what comes up.
Photo Credit: Christina Louise
Submission by:
Juli Wenger, The author of “Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free - Know who you are. Get out of your own way. Live Your Purpose” (releasing May 31, 2022), a Certified and Internationally Credentialled Coach, Human Ecologist, Speaker, Podcaster, Certified Breathwork Facilitator, and student of the Enneagram. She is devoted to guiding impact-driven humans through their journeys to powerfully and courageously live out their callings.
Window Coverings: A tale that involves the threat of danger, political and legal discourse, and even a touch of mystery. - Camelot Interiors
Have you ever rolled out of bed in the morning, poured yourself a hot cuppawhatever and fired up the old search engine to find out what’s new in the exciting world of window coverings?
Have you ever rolled out of bed in the morning, poured yourself a hot cuppawhatever and fired up the old search engine to find out what’s new in the exciting world of window coverings?
Unless you are employed in some way in this very specific industry, I’m guessing that the answer is no. There is, however, a bit of a shake up fast approaching in the blind industry that, as a consumer or potentially someone who works in the home industry, you might want to be aware of. Just when you thought the world of #blindenthusiasm couldn’t get any better, I’m here to tell you a tale that involves the threat of danger, political and legal discourse, and even a touch of mystery.
The Dangerous Part The short and simple fact is this…there is a potential safety hazard when it comes to the exposed cords on your household window coverings. If you take a look at the window treatment nearest to wherever you are sitting right now, you likely have some kind of cord, whether it is a singular string or a loop, that you use to move the blind from open to closed. It is these, and some of the other accessible cords that are in question. According to Health Canada:
• It takes just over 22cm of cord to strangle a child
• From 1989 to 2018 there were 39 deaths in Canada related to the strangulation hazard posed by corded window coverings
I think we can all agree that one child lost is one too many and if there is a hazard in the home, why not remove it? It just makes sense. So what has the Government of Canada done to mitigate the potential threat?
The Political/Legal Part Over the last 3 decades, Health Canada has taken a number of actions to address the hazard concerns such as education programs, warning labels, and the addition of the Corded Window Coverings Products Regulations in 2009. I’m not going to bore you with the details - if you want to know more about the regulations and related executive summary, I invite you to click here for some riveting bedtime reading. To keep things moving along, however, allow me to summarize it for you.
Based on the number of deaths and recalls since the late 80s it has been determined that the current programs and regulations have not resulted in a “sufficiently reduced fatality rate”. This, along with the findings of a risk assessment performed by Health Canada in 2014, has lead to the conclusion that it is necessary to update the regulatory requirements for these products to ensure the safety of Canadian children. Therefore, new regulations have been written to replace the current ones and these have been passed as law in Canada.
Again, for a full breakdown of all the new regulations you can head over to the Government of Canada website but here is the very abridged version:
“Any free hanging or tethered cord cannot be longer than 22 cm. Any cord that is longer, such as inner cords, cannot produce a loop larger than 44 cm when a specific pull force is applied.”
(Alta Window Coverings Dealer Information release)
The above rules apply to the length and pull force of ANY cord, including external/operational cords, inner cords, looped cords, rear cords and power cords. Beginning May 1, 2022 it will be illegal to have any cords longer than 22 cm or looped cords larger than 44 cm on any new household window coverings. Just so we’re clear, I am not exaggerating for the sake of drama. The new corded window coverings regulations will not be a standard or a recommendation, they will be the law.
The Mysterious Part Even though, technically, there can be operational cords, as long as they are 22 cm or less, most manufacturers are doing away with the cords altogether. The reason for which is pretty simple - it’s a bit silly to operate a blind with a cord that short (when my husband and I met our rep in a restaurant and we were miming what it would be like, neighbouring diners saw what I can only assume looked like us milking a herd of tiny, imaginary rodents). In addition to this, if you have a tall window, and you’re not 7 feet tall some like a certain blind installer I know, how on earth are you going to reach the mechanism? Logistically, it just doesn’t make sense to have operating cords that short. So the industry has adapted in the best way it can on most of the products.
The mysterious part is that retailers, such as my company Camelot Interiors have not yet seen a single product with the new adaptations. We don’t know what they look like, how they will operate or if they will operate up to the standards that we and our clients have come to expect. There are any number of reasons for the apparent lack of information. Some manufacturers are keeping their innovations closely guarded to protect them from being stolen; some manufacturers have decided this is not a real thing and they’ve effectively put their heads in the sand; some of the new products just simply aren’t ready.
To further add to the intrigue is that it isn’t quite clear how the new laws will be enforced or who will do the enforcing. Although I did get somewhat excited at the notion of Law and Order: Blind Enthusiasm (insert dun-dun) the information available on Health Canada’s website indicates that there will be “sampling and testing of products, inspection at retail, and follow-up on complaints made by the Canadian public and reporting by industry.” This tells me that it might be somewhat of a “Smokey the Bear” situation - Only YOU can prevent corded window covering injuries - but we shall wait and see.
Some of What We Do Know The good news (other than the obvious potential to save the lives of children) is that there are already many products on the market that meet at least some of the requirements. Window coverings with cordless operation have been on the market for years and they work really well. Motorization and automation is also becoming far more common place thanks to vast improvements being done on the tech landscape. Who doesn’t want to raise their blinds with the touch of a button or with a simple voice command?
For those products that required some significant changes, Canadian manufacturers and industry stakeholders have been hard at work on R&D to get everything into ship-shape over the last couple of years. Still, even with all this sweat equity, there will be some collateral damage. Most notably, is the beloved top-down cellular shade (see photo). Although this product can be made to operate cordlessly, it still requires exposed strings to allow the top rail to travel up and down. Until some tech genius comes up with a new levitating window covering system, it appears that we won’t see this popular product coming back any time soon. Although we have hints of something similar that will meet the regulations (remember the mysterious part?).
The full list of changes and deletions is far too long for me to outline for you here (are you still here?) but my recommendation is this - if you are building a home, renovating a home or if you work in the home industry, find a trusted retailer to help you navigate how the new Corded Window Coverings Regulations will affect your current and future project(s). We may not have all the answers, but we are invested in providing our customers with all the information we can as we become aware of it. If your home or renovation is close to completion and you’ve got your eye on a particular window treatment, don’t leave the selection until the very last minute. To ensure that nothing is installed that does not meet the new regulations retailers will be only be able to order products as they currently are up until early April. After that, all window coverings manufactured in and shipped to Canada, must be up to par or there may be some issues with the law. Which, I suppose, might make for another interesting episode of Blind Enthusiasm (insert dun-dun sound).
Giving to Women & Their Families of Ukraine on IWD and beyond
This IWD hits different and for many reasons. It’s been hard to “celebrate” in a whirl-wind of countless moments of discourse we are aware (and maybe not aware) of when it comes to the advancement of gender equality around the world and here at home over the past 2-3 years.
GIVING TO WOMEN OF UKRAINE THIS IWD & BEYOND.
Written by Kirsten MacDonell, Co-Founder
Graphic designed by iliustra
This IWD hits different and for many reasons. It’s been hard to “celebrate” in a whirl-wind of countless moments of discourse we are aware (and maybe not aware) of when it comes to the advancement of gender equality around the world and here at home over the past 2-3 years. The direct and secondary effects the Pandemic has had on women are especially cruel. Gender-based violence spiked. Economic security advancements heavily vulnerable. Inclusive leadership advancements also vulnerable to impact. These are just a few bruised societal advancements effecting women. Here are just a couple of statistics that paint a picture here in Canada. “Women accounted for 63% of the 1 million jobs lost as of March 2020, and 70% of losses by workers aged 25 to 54.” Our recovery rate since March 2020 is lagging as jobs come back to the market. “Women make up 60 per cent of those in Canada who are economically “struggling”, meaning that they report difficulty covering basic expenses and may need pay day loans or food banks to get by.” Source -www.canadianwomen.org. Furthermore, evidence shows that BIPOC communities are disproportionately impacted by these pandemic outcomes.
Now, imagine, your country has been attacked and an active, cruel and unprovoked war is now occurring on your door-step. You are fleeing, sleeping on trains while sharing a seat with a stranger. Crammed in cars with signs taped to the windows stating “children inside”, carrying all of what you could fit and leaving the rest behind.. You are a daughter saying good-bye to your father, a volunteer civilian soldier who only recently learnt how to use an assault weapon. You are the mother of children you had to peel off of their grandfather and their dad as you said good-bye to escape the danger. You are the aunt doing your best to put on a brave face to entertain your baby niece or nephew while in a bomb shelter you can barely stand up in… You are a woman who only as of weeks ago, is serving your country on the front lines with artillery strapped to your back and while wearing donated military gear…
Today, I saw a viral video of a little girl named Amelia singing “Let It Go” in a Kyiv bomb shelter. Instantly, it brought me to tears. My daughter, only a year or two younger than she, is also named Amelia (spelt “Emilia”) and she also sings “Let It Go” as it is her favourite movie. The relatability of it all was just too much and emotion took over. Today in Edmonton, I took Emilia with me as I offered my time and support to friends who are compiling a fundraiser to #standwithukraine. This all lead me to think this: It’s time we as mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, granddaughters, do what we know best - CARE for others. SUPPORT others. Support and care for these families enduring terrorizing moments that are going to forever change their lives and leave an imprint of trauma and devastation that will undeniably shape their futures.
Reaching out to Ukrainian-Turkmenian entrepreneur and fellow WorkNicer member, Daria Venkova, we learnt the following ways to act now and show our care for our fellow sisters and brothers of Ukraine this IWD.
Drop off a donation package to your local MEEST office: Click this link to see how you can send 2 boxes per day for FREE or $5.00 per kilogram by air.
Meest is also accepting your Amazon orders. Direct the address to Toronto’s Meest Head office and note HUMANITARIAN AID FOR UKRAINE on the package. Check out this list of needed items. Medical supplies such as pain killers, antibiotics, gauze are just to name a few top of the list as of now.
What makes me so proud to be an Edmontonian, an Albertan, and a Canadian is our “drop-everything and show up for others when the need it” spirit. I see it all of the time in our community. I know you see it too. It’s a beautiful thing that makes us unique and in my opinion great leaders in the world setting an example for many. We hope you find this blog post compelling enough to show more acts for caring. Caring for on another is what we, as women, are so damn good at… Just read every single mothers day card for sale right now and you won’t be able to deny that..
If you’d like to share more ways to get involved with our community, please reach out to hello@ybbconnect.com
Here’s the thing — delegation isn’t about “less work.” It’s about better work. It’s about creating space for the parts of your business (and life) that actually matter.