The REAL story - 3 Reasons that writing a book sucks.
Last month we dove into the REAL story behind what writing a book is like. And I promised you that we would get past making the decision and figuring out “why?” Well, that and into the time, tears, and imposter syndrome…
So let’s hop into the DeLorean and jump back a year.
Literally. Because that’s when I put pen to paper on this thing that would become Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free.
I know right?! It’s only been a year and it’s DONE! This goes to show you that when you commit, have the right support, and a “why” that holds, you can do anything.
Anyway, let’s have some fun.
3 REASONS THAT WRITING A BOOK SUCKS.
#1 - Overwhelm
Here’s a fun fact - a typical non-fiction book runs somewhere between 40,000-80,000 words. That’s about 100 pages of single-spaced content on an 8 1/2x11 (on the low end). Sitting down with that in mind can be a complete brain imploder.
I coach people through chunking big projects down into manageable pieces on the regular. And I'm a pro at building systems for myself to do just that. There was still a “holy crap” moment though, staring at an empty screen with the little line going blink… blink… blink…
The big picture of a book can leave you in paralysis because there is so much to do. So much content to come up with. So many hours in front of you. And guess who likes to show up then - your ego. It likes to feed you with language like “I don’t know how I’m going to do this” or “I can’t possibly come up with that much content.”
Why? Because taking on a big project like this could change things. And your ego is firmly attached to your current way of being and doing. It hates change. It wants to keep you firmly in your comfort zone, and there is nothing comfortable about writing a book.
Coach tip: “I don’t know” and “I can’t” are your ego’s go-to when it’s trying to keep you in your comfort zone.
So I sat there at my computer, looking at my outline, trying to put some words on the page and then erasing them… trying to find some kind of flow (which doesn’t work well when overwhelm is in play btw)... Sometimes I gave up. Other times I pushed through and wrote something that I thought was crappy, but returned to later and could work with. Sometimes I shook it off and told my ego “we are not doing this today.” And then I'd find an inspiring song to play in the background or change locations (anyone else sad that Blackbird Cafe closed?) and sat there until the flow came. I’m pretty strong-willed so that did work sometimes.
And that brings us to…
#2 - Imposter Syndrome
“Who the heck am I to write a book?”
If you’ve been hanging around YBB connect for a while, you may have hopped into my imposter syndrome course. It’s something I’ve been doing my work on and teaching on for the last few years. And yet...
Here’s the sucky part - ALL your stuff will come up when you take on a project like this. ALL. OF. IT. And much like with overwhelm, our ego is at play trying to keep us safe (aka. the same) and in our comfort zone. But it can be so mean!
“You’ve only been in this business a year-and-a-half. Maybe you need to know more before you do this.”
“Who would want to read this book anyway?”
“How are you writing about enoughness when you still struggle with it?”
“Are you sure you have a grasp on the psychology piece? What if you’re wrong? What if people call you out on something you don’t know that you don’t know?”
“What if no one buys it?”
“All your people are going to leave you because you’re not being ‘secular’ enough.”
“You’re not focused enough for this.”
“What if you’re still too much of an awkward try-hard like when you were a kid?”
Brutal right? But aren’t we always our own worst critics?
We’ll come back to this in the next part because these connect to #3. First, though, let's flip this for a minute. How do we get through and persevere when we are being so mean to ourselves? And when we legitimately question if the stories we’re telling ourselves are true?
Well, we remember this:
Knowing our purpose or "why"
+ Moving toward it
= Means imposter syndrome is a CONFIRMATION THAT WE ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
Imposter syndrome is an invitation to keep going!
It shows up because we are stretching and changing and on a growth journey. So it’s actually a good thing. Still not fun, but a good thing.
#3 - Facing all your Crap
Writing this book required me to be transparent about my journey. It’s not a biography or anything. It's more like how Brene wraps her personal stories in with the tangible and tactical info (she’s my hero). And that meant I had to explore my history. Not just that, but part of my purpose is helping others to be unapologetically authentic, so I have to walk the talk.
So when I got into enoughness, I had to face my struggles with “am I enough?” and have I really overcome enough to write about it. When I talked about being too much, I had to contend with where I still felt like I was too much.
Fear… going to battle with our ego… up-leveling our people… and all the other ways that we get in our own way… I had to consistently evaluate where I still had work to do.
And it’s not like it was some optional thing that seemed like the responsible play. It was happening whether I wanted it to or not. *Cue ugly cry* It was another way for my ego to try to keep me from changing. That and God was working some things out of me that I couldn’t take with me into my next season.
We can look at this as the continual uplevel, which sounds way better right? Honestly, though, I was exhausted. I spent 6 weeks writing the first draft of the book. And between starting at the screen like “uh…….”, questioning myself about what people would think (my personal kryptonite), and the emotional energy going into working through the baggage that came up, I was drained.
I’m grateful now because hindsight is great. Plus, carrying less of that emotional baggage created so much more freedom for me to powerfully stand behind living with bold faith, unapologetic authenticity, and fearless courage.
Sucked? Yes. Worth it? Also, yes.
So to bring it home…
The actual writing of the first draft took EVERYTHING that I had to give. It meant that I had to create boundaries around my time and keep my priorities straight. Faith, family, book, clients. Full stop. And I had to lean into my “toolkit” way more than in a typical season.
more music
more journaling
more God time
more nature
good nutrition
lots of water
and carefully selected people to lean on and ask for help.
And there was a continual return to understanding this:
Our purpose is for us, but it’s not about us.
This book wasn’t about me. It was about the people who were waiting for it. The people who were waiting for the spark, kick in the pants, clarity, hug, or permission slip that would change the trajectory of their entire life. I couldn’t quit because they were worth more than my discomfort or my fear.
Maybe there is something you’re in the middle of right now and it feels too big. Maybe your ego and your inner critic are viscous and you’ve almost given into the stories. Maybe the fear of failure or rejection has almost won.
Know this - you are so much more capable and powerful than you realize, and we all need you to dig in your heels and say “no ego, we are not doing this today.” We need you to go to battle for yourself because there are people who are waiting for you to step through the fear. It could change everything for them and you.
Always in your corner,
Coach Juli
Written by: Juli Wenger
Author of Fired-Up, Fulfilled, And Free
Follow Juli at @juliwenger
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What if you could ditch fear, leave “not-enoughness” and “too muchness behind,” and answer the questions “who am I?” and “why am I here?”
What would it be like to live a life that you know matters? To have real fulfillment? To confidently and fearlessly step into the purpose you were created for?
This book is a roadmap back to yourself and a guide to help you get out of your own way so you can live that purpose with fearless confidence. To help you step out of your patterns and your commitment to not-enoughness. To be reminded that you are worthy because God put you on this earth and He makes you worthy. There is an assignment for you that can’t wait any longer.
This is your invitation into a life that is Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free.
