The REAL story - 3 Reasons that writing a book sucks.
Last month we dove into the REAL story behind what writing a book is like. And I promised you that we would get past making the decision and figuring out “why?” Well, that and into the time, tears, and imposter syndrome…
Last month we dove into the REAL story behind what writing a book is like. And I promised you that we would get past making the decision and figuring out “why?” Well, that and into the time, tears, and imposter syndrome…
So let’s hop into the DeLorean and jump back a year.
Literally. Because that’s when I put pen to paper on this thing that would become Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free.
I know right?! It’s only been a year and it’s DONE! This goes to show you that when you commit, have the right support, and a “why” that holds, you can do anything.
Anyway, let’s have some fun.
3 REASONS THAT WRITING A BOOK SUCKS.
#1 - Overwhelm
Here’s a fun fact - a typical non-fiction book runs somewhere between 40,000-80,000 words. That’s about 100 pages of single-spaced content on an 8 1/2x11 (on the low end). Sitting down with that in mind can be a complete brain imploder.
I coach people through chunking big projects down into manageable pieces on the regular. And I'm a pro at building systems for myself to do just that. There was still a “holy crap” moment though, staring at an empty screen with the little line going blink… blink… blink…
The big picture of a book can leave you in paralysis because there is so much to do. So much content to come up with. So many hours in front of you. And guess who likes to show up then - your ego. It likes to feed you with language like “I don’t know how I’m going to do this” or “I can’t possibly come up with that much content.”
Why? Because taking on a big project like this could change things. And your ego is firmly attached to your current way of being and doing. It hates change. It wants to keep you firmly in your comfort zone, and there is nothing comfortable about writing a book.
Coach tip: “I don’t know” and “I can’t” are your ego’s go-to when it’s trying to keep you in your comfort zone.
So I sat there at my computer, looking at my outline, trying to put some words on the page and then erasing them… trying to find some kind of flow (which doesn’t work well when overwhelm is in play btw)... Sometimes I gave up. Other times I pushed through and wrote something that I thought was crappy, but returned to later and could work with. Sometimes I shook it off and told my ego “we are not doing this today.” And then I'd find an inspiring song to play in the background or change locations (anyone else sad that Blackbird Cafe closed?) and sat there until the flow came. I’m pretty strong-willed so that did work sometimes.
And that brings us to…
#2 - Imposter Syndrome
“Who the heck am I to write a book?”
If you’ve been hanging around YBB connect for a while, you may have hopped into my imposter syndrome course. It’s something I’ve been doing my work on and teaching on for the last few years. And yet...
Here’s the sucky part - ALL your stuff will come up when you take on a project like this. ALL. OF. IT. And much like with overwhelm, our ego is at play trying to keep us safe (aka. the same) and in our comfort zone. But it can be so mean!
“You’ve only been in this business a year-and-a-half. Maybe you need to know more before you do this.”
“Who would want to read this book anyway?”
“How are you writing about enoughness when you still struggle with it?”
“Are you sure you have a grasp on the psychology piece? What if you’re wrong? What if people call you out on something you don’t know that you don’t know?”
“What if no one buys it?”
“All your people are going to leave you because you’re not being ‘secular’ enough.”
“You’re not focused enough for this.”
“What if you’re still too much of an awkward try-hard like when you were a kid?”
Brutal right? But aren’t we always our own worst critics?
We’ll come back to this in the next part because these connect to #3. First, though, let's flip this for a minute. How do we get through and persevere when we are being so mean to ourselves? And when we legitimately question if the stories we’re telling ourselves are true?
Well, we remember this:
Knowing our purpose or "why"
+ Moving toward it
= Means imposter syndrome is a CONFIRMATION THAT WE ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
Imposter syndrome is an invitation to keep going!
It shows up because we are stretching and changing and on a growth journey. So it’s actually a good thing. Still not fun, but a good thing.
#3 - Facing all your Crap
Writing this book required me to be transparent about my journey. It’s not a biography or anything. It's more like how Brene wraps her personal stories in with the tangible and tactical info (she’s my hero). And that meant I had to explore my history. Not just that, but part of my purpose is helping others to be unapologetically authentic, so I have to walk the talk.
So when I got into enoughness, I had to face my struggles with “am I enough?” and have I really overcome enough to write about it. When I talked about being too much, I had to contend with where I still felt like I was too much.
Fear… going to battle with our ego… up-leveling our people… and all the other ways that we get in our own way… I had to consistently evaluate where I still had work to do.
And it’s not like it was some optional thing that seemed like the responsible play. It was happening whether I wanted it to or not. *Cue ugly cry* It was another way for my ego to try to keep me from changing. That and God was working some things out of me that I couldn’t take with me into my next season.
We can look at this as the continual uplevel, which sounds way better right? Honestly, though, I was exhausted. I spent 6 weeks writing the first draft of the book. And between starting at the screen like “uh…….”, questioning myself about what people would think (my personal kryptonite), and the emotional energy going into working through the baggage that came up, I was drained.
I’m grateful now because hindsight is great. Plus, carrying less of that emotional baggage created so much more freedom for me to powerfully stand behind living with bold faith, unapologetic authenticity, and fearless courage.
Sucked? Yes. Worth it? Also, yes.
So to bring it home…
The actual writing of the first draft took EVERYTHING that I had to give. It meant that I had to create boundaries around my time and keep my priorities straight. Faith, family, book, clients. Full stop. And I had to lean into my “toolkit” way more than in a typical season.
more music
more journaling
more God time
more nature
good nutrition
lots of water
and carefully selected people to lean on and ask for help.
And there was a continual return to understanding this:
Our purpose is for us, but it’s not about us.
This book wasn’t about me. It was about the people who were waiting for it. The people who were waiting for the spark, kick in the pants, clarity, hug, or permission slip that would change the trajectory of their entire life. I couldn’t quit because they were worth more than my discomfort or my fear.
Maybe there is something you’re in the middle of right now and it feels too big. Maybe your ego and your inner critic are viscous and you’ve almost given into the stories. Maybe the fear of failure or rejection has almost won.
Know this - you are so much more capable and powerful than you realize, and we all need you to dig in your heels and say “no ego, we are not doing this today.” We need you to go to battle for yourself because there are people who are waiting for you to step through the fear. It could change everything for them and you.
Always in your corner,
Coach Juli
Written by: Juli Wenger
Author of Fired-Up, Fulfilled, And Free
Follow Juli at @juliwenger
————
What if you could ditch fear, leave “not-enoughness” and “too muchness behind,” and answer the questions “who am I?” and “why am I here?”
What would it be like to live a life that you know matters? To have real fulfillment? To confidently and fearlessly step into the purpose you were created for?
This book is a roadmap back to yourself and a guide to help you get out of your own way so you can live that purpose with fearless confidence. To help you step out of your patterns and your commitment to not-enoughness. To be reminded that you are worthy because God put you on this earth and He makes you worthy. There is an assignment for you that can’t wait any longer.
This is your invitation into a life that is Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free.
The REAL story intro- What writing a book is actually like…
Fire-up, Fulfilled, And Free Author Juli Wenger is sharing her story becoming an author and the good, bad and ugly she endured during this process of evolution.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to become an author? I can pretty much guarantee you that the idea in your mind is TOTALLY different from reality.
I think of it like this. ——————->
First, I’m excited because over the next few months, we’re going to dive into all the juicy behind-the-scenes of the book-writing process. This was a gigantic project that taught me a lot about myself, brought up ALL my stuff, and required continual uplevel. If you want to write your own book or you’re looking at some other big project, buckle up. It’s worth it and insane all at the same time.
“Why?”
This is the question most people miss when they start. Why take on that project? Why start that business? Why sell that product? And for me, why on God’s green earth do I want to write a book?
And it’s a good question. I’m a mom with 2 small-ish kids and a 2-year-old business with a full client load. I host a podcast, I sing at church one weekend a month, and I’m generally busy. Not “busy as a status symbol” busy, but life is full and it’s usually intentional. Which means that if I’m choosing to take on a new project that requires a significant amount of time and energy, I better have a solid reason. Ps. Being that intentional and questioning my motives flies in the face of the impulsivity that often accompanies ADHD. But that’s a story for another day…
Anyway, back to why. Here’s what’s interesting - I met a lot of authors over the last year. A LOT. And a lot of “would-be” authors. And a lot of “I’m in the middle of writing my book and have been for 8 years” authors. And a lot of people who think it would be cool to write a book someday. Guess what separates the ones that do from the ones that don’t?
A part of it is this - the ones that do have a reason why, and that reason is usually bigger than their ego. Here’s what that looked like for me: I’d gone on a faith-led journey of walking out of burnout, fear, and a total lack of fulfillment. I’d rediscovered who I was and why I was here, and I moved out of a life that was misaligned with that identity and purpose. I’d stepped into my calling, finding excitement for life again, a sense that what I was doing mattered, confidence and self-worth, and breathing room. There was a process that showed up in that journey, and that process was also changing the lives of my clients in profound ways. But more people needed that clarity and transformation than I could support in a one-on-one capacity. How could I do that? How could I walk massive numbers of people through, step-by-step, that journey of fear to freedom?
A book!
If I wrote a book, I could empower more people to live their purpose and love their lives. To wake up and know what they were doing matters and to be passionate about not only their work but their whole lives. And more people living that way makes the world better, more filled with love, more compassionate, and more just. Well, that’s simple enough right? I’ll sit down and map out that journey, write down a bunch of stuff about each stage, and then I’ll have a book right? That’s cute… and entirely not the case. And this is where it can either turn into a “something I’ll do one day” or an actual commitment. Guess what happened? I put a tab in my task manager named “Book”, added a few tasks, and pushed their due dates continually for about 6 months. I fell right into the camp of “I should do that at some point… I’ll wait until I feel REALLY called and then I’ll do it.”
photo cred: Emilie Iggiotti
It’s embarrassing, but true. Coach Juli, who is living her calling and continually stepping through fear and getting out of her own way, got in her own way and let fear drive. How could I write a book about empowerment if I was still getting stuck? Who would want to read it anyway? What if I wrote it and people thought it sucked?
“Why” isn’t enough on it’s own because of FEAR. At the core of it, I loved the idea of being an author. I loved the idea that I could spark and support more people. But I was scared. I would have told you that I was scared it would take too much time and energy (which was true, but not the main thing). Or that I needed to learn more to make sure I was equipped to do this (which was an excuse). Or that my business needed to be more stable first (also an excuse). But really I was scared of failure and rejection.
As it happens fear of social rejection is the #1 fear people have, period. And it was up in my face. So I let myself be distracted for a while. It’s easier to be distracted than lean into the discomfort after all. But that couldn’t hold - because I did have a why.
In September of 2021, I had an opportunity to participate in a 5 day “Map Your Book Out” challenge that one of my author friends was speaking at. I wanted to support him so I popped on for a few sessions, downloaded the worksheets, and tried to put together an outline. And that’s when I realized how tough this was going to be.
Let me explain. My thought process pretty much looks like this —————->
So despite my client work, guiding people through a journey largely by intuition and feel (and definitely not a consistent linear path), I was faced with trying to put everything I do in some kind of order. I wrote ideas on the planning pages. I rearranged those pages all over my office floor. I sat and stared at them. I added ideas. I stared at them some more. I got frustrated and walked away. I came back and added more ideas. I rearranged them again. I got frustrated again. And then decided to start over and plan on the computer. I figured, maybe if I tried something that’s a system, it might work better for my brain. This is normal for me - you should see me write a talk. Anyway, it was like living in a brain that’s imploding from too much input and not enough capacity to organize the information.
Eventually, I sorted it out, found a system that worked for me, and mapped something out that resembled a book outline. It would change about 86 times between that point and publishing, but I had a start. And then, like the time I left my 500k/year real estate business in the dust because I got the “Go Now!” from God, I got a “Drop everything and write the book”.
SIDENOTE: The nudges or pulls in your soul to go after something often come with opportunities to take a step if we watch for them.
Now, I’m a service-based entrepreneur, and all service-based entrepreneurs know that the most important thing we do (other than taking care of existing clients) is finding new clients. I had a plan for that October to be networking and relationship building. I’d signed up for all the events I could find, planned and advertised a masterclass, and set up a bunch of coffees. My social media was planned out. My newsletters were planned out… It was going to be an epic month for my business and the people I would have the chance to serve. And all that planning meant that “Drop everything and write the book” was met with an “Are you kidding me?!?”
I also knew though, from experience over the last few years, that when I’m called it’s better to not fight with God. So I dropped everything. I missed events. I postponed coffees indefinitely. I cancelled my masterclass (that one hurt my pride and I mulled it over for days before I pulled that trigger). I cleared my schedule as much as possible and built “no for now, but not forever” boundaries. And then I signed myself up for book writing Bootcamp because I know that I need accountability and deadlines to move on things. I also needed to be in an environment where I would be continually brought back to “what’s the next step?” Instead of focusing on the big picture that was TOTALLY OVERWHELMING at that point in time. Yup, even coaches need coaches.
And then the writing began. Which is where we will (likely) pick up next month. Stay tuned, that process included a lot of time, tears, wasted time, and imposter syndrome.
Xoxo,
Juli
Written by: Juli Wenger
Author of Fired-Up, Fulfilled, And Free
Follow Juli at @juliwenger
————
What if you could ditch fear, leave “not-enoughness” and “too muchness behind,” and answer the questions “who am I?” and “why am I here?”
What would it be like to live a life that you know matters? To have real fulfillment? To confidently and fearlessly step into the purpose you were created for?
This book is a roadmap back to yourself and a guide to help you get out of your own way so you can live that purpose with fearless confidence. To help you step out of your patterns and your commitment to not-enoughness. To be reminded that you are worthy because God put you on this earth and He makes you worthy. There is an assignment for you that can’t wait any longer.
This is your invitation into a life that is Fired-up, Fulfilled, and Free.
TIPSY TUESDAY - Best Boss Books VOL. 2
We did research about not only business books that are recommended by other boss babes but also work/life balance books and inspirational reads that have been acclaimed to be life changing:
Thrive by Arianna Huffington
Arianna Huffington knows what she's talking about. As the co-founder and editor of the Huffington Post Media group, she has battled and come out on top when others would have counted her out. Hav ing it all does not mean a bigger office and an impressive salary - Huffington cleverly points out that finding the balance between a healthy idea of success and having the life you want is how you truly thrive. Take control of your work life by harnessing the power of mindfulness, intentional relationships and physical discipline - live the life you want before it's too late. Arianna Huffington will walk you through her awakening to being so digital connected that it is killing us to redefining what success means for every business woman.
http://ariannahuffington.com/thrive
2. Purple Cow by Seth Godin
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - Dr. Suess
Some books dance around the issue and when you have finished reading them you aren't sure what actionable steps you can take to improve your business. After reading Seth Godin's book, written in his trademark, straight forward style, you will be ready to take a look at who you are in the marketplace and what you can do to be noticed, remembered and successful - be a Purple Cow. If you are looking for a fluffy, inspirational read, this is not it. This is a logical awakening of how you are perceived in your field and how you can leverage your special brand of awesome to grow your business to where you want it to be.
https://www.amazon.ca/Purple-Cow-New-Transform-Remarkable/dp/1591843170/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=purple+cow&qid=1562529907&s=gateway&sr=8-1
3. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
Whereas this is not specifically a business book for women, it is written by a woman who has dedicated herself to creating a media empire that has entertained millions, and she did it all while balancing family life, the pressures in a male-driven television industry and her own personal struggles. Shonda Rhimes decided to fully embrace success by taking a personal challenge - say "Yes" more often and see what happens. Reading about the challenges and victories of Shonda in business, daring to do things a little differently is inspiring, and it reminds each of us that taking risks may seem impossible but if you are dedicated and tenacious, you too can dance in the sun and be an example of success in business.
4. Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller
The internet is full of businesses trying to stand out and be heard among the noise. We are all trying to be social media marketers, but most of us are unclear on the most relevant ways to tell people why they should choose us in the marketplace. Donald Miller shares the 7 points of a story format that we are all familiar with and respond to, and how to communicate your business message clearly so that you can reach your ideal customer and tell them without any misunderstanding exactly who you are and what you can do for them. Miller has figured out that gaps in communicating our message is the greatest cause of failure in business. His tools will help you succeed and connect better with your intended client base in a way that is practical and smart.
https://www.amazon.ca/Building-StoryBrand-Clarify-Message-Customers/dp/0718033329
Do you have a book you found resourceful? We want to hear about it!
-XO YEG BOSS BABE TEAM
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